Conversing in Los Noches
by Yami Otaku
Summary: I take a trip to Los Noches to visit Aizen. But alas! I am constantly interrupted along the way. A record of my conversations with some of the Espada. I'm gonna make Aizen the main character 'cuz he's the one I'm trying to get to.
1. Syazel and Highlights

Summary: I have a chat with the residents of Los Noches after I sneak in to see Aizen.

Me: Yo! I'm currently here in Los Noches to see Aizen. Why? 'Cuz Aizen is my favorite character! (I know…I'm weird…but the dark side has all the hotties…) ANYWAY, I decided to talk with whoever I ran into along the way and record our conversation.

Syazel: What's a human doing here?

Me: Crap. It's the girly scientist.

Syazel: WHO ARE YOU CALLING GIRLY?

Me: YOU, YOU MORON!

Syazel: I AM NOT! 

Me: YOU'VE GOT _PINK HAIR_ FOR PITY'S SAKE!

Syazel: SO WHAT? YOU'VE GOT STRAWBERRY HIGLIGHTS!

Me: *vein twitches in forehead* It's RED. Not strawberry, RED. BLOOD red. And they cost good money too! Nearly cost eighty bucks! (They seriously did, since I have so much hair. The poor hairdresser was working on me for three hours)

Syazel: …anyway, why are you here?

Me: I wanna see Aizen.

Syazel: HA! I won't let you pass!

Me: Oh really? 

Syazel: Yeah really!

Me: OH REALLY?

Syazel: YEAH REALLY!

Me: FINE! *Takes out a blood red Zanpakuto* Shred…

Syazel: Uh-oh…

Me: AKA-KAZE! (Red Wind)

*A good portion of Los Noches is decimated*

Me: Oops. Hehehe. I'm gonna have to apologize to Aizen about that…

*I continue on my merry way*

So that's the first chap. How was it? Please review and NO FLAMES! Next up is Ulqiorra.


	2. Ulqiorra and Bankai

**CHAPTER 2! Thanks to cool guy 33 for reviewing! In this chap I meet Ulqiorra.**

Me: Man that Syazel dude was weak! Or maybe I'm just strong…I didn't even have to use _that…_

Ulqiorra: Hm? What's a girl doing here?

Me: hey, it's Ulqiorra! Hi, Ulqiorra!

Ulqiorra: How do you know my name?

Me: eh, it's a bit of a long story. Anyway, where's Aizen?

Ulqiorra: Um…I'm not sure if I'm allowed to tell you.

Me: Oh. Uh…I know! We can fight, and if I win you tell me where he is!

Ulqiorra: Huh?

Me: That way, you can say that the answer was forced out of you and you won't get in trouble!

Ulqiorra: I don't fight trash.

Me: *vein twitches in forehead* TRASH? If you don't fight, I'll tell everyone you sleep upside-down hugging a stuffed bat!

Ulqiorra: HOW DID YOU KNOW?

Me: It's true? Wow.

Ulqiorra: …fine. I will fight.

Me: Yayz!

Ulqiorra: …But I'm going all out from the start. Resurrection…Segunda Etapa!

Me: Shoot. I'm gonna have to use _that_…

Ulqiorra: That?

Me: Yeah, _that. _Ah well. *clears throat* Bankai!

*When the smoke clears, Ulqiorra is laying facedown defeated, and I am no longer in Bankai* 

Me: Wow…I guess I really am strong… *Kicks Ulqiorra* Hey! Which way to Aizen?

Ulqiorra: ngh…keep going forward and take a right…then a left…and then another right. That is, unless Gin is changing the corridors…

Me: M'kay! Thanks, Ulqiorra!

*I shunpo off*

**Yes, I can use Bankai. What is my Bankai? Hehehehe…you'll have to wait and see! Next up is Grimmjow Jaegerjacques.**


	3. Grimmjow and Phone Numbers

**Hi guys! Say hello to Cool Guy 33, who's tagging along so she can meet Gin! In this chapter we're gonna meet Grimmjow.**

Me: So, Cooly, I hear you gave Gin your phone number and he has you on speed dial.

Cooly: Yeah, we text each other a lot.

Me: You think he might be able to get me Aizen's number?

Cooly: I can ask.

Me: Thanks!

Grimmjow: Huh? Who're you guys?

Me: OMG! It's Grimmy! *Tackles Grimmjow and gives him a hug*

Cooly: I thought Aizen was your favorite?

Me: He is. BUT Grimmy here is my second favorite!

Grimmjow: Uh, sure…that aside, do you girls know what happened to Ulqiorra? He went out on patrol and never came back…

Me: Oops…

Grimmjow: Oops?

Cooly: Yami Otaku here beat the snot out of him last chapter.

Grimmjow: SERIOUSLY? You ROCK! That guy's been asking for it for ages!

Me: Happy to help! Wanna spar?

Grimmjow: Heck yeah! *Takes out his sword* Grind, Pantera!

Me: Shred, Aka-Kaze!

Cooly: YEAH! KICK HIS BUTT YAMI! *Phone rings* Huh? Oh, it's Gin! Hi Gin…guess what? I'm in Los Noches! Huh? You already know? Oh, you've got security cameras. Listen, I've got a friend who wants Aizen's number. Do you have it? You do? Thanks! Bye! *Hangs up*

Me: You're good! I can go all out now! Bankai!

Grimmjow: YEAH! BRING IT ON!

Cooly: OOOH! I get to see Yami's Bankai!

*five minutes later*

Grimmjow: *panting* that was awesome! Some other time?

Me: Sure!

Cooly: Your Bankai is really cool!

Me: Thanks!

Cooly: Oh, I got Aizen's number from Gin.

Me: Really? What is it?

Cooly: Let's see…1-800-SOUSUKE.

Me: yayz!

*We shunpo off*

**No, you don't get to see my Bankai yet! If you wanna see it, vote in my poll! I'll tell you this – it's awesome! So vote! Bye-Bye!**

**PS Oh yeah, next is Kaname Tousen.**


	4. Tousen and Dishwashers

**Yo! This is Yami Otaku bringing you *drumroll* CHAPTER 4! This is where we meet Kaname Tousen!**

Me: Wanna play eye-spy?

Cooly: How? Everything here is white!

Me: Oh yeah…how 'bout truth or dare, without the dares?

Cooly: M'kay!

Me: So, do you have a crush on Gin?

Cooly: Er…yes? I honestly don't know…How about you? Do you have a crush on Aizen?

Me: *blushes* Yeah… *drifts off into a fantasy about Aizen*

Cooly: *Stares*

Me: What? The dark side…

Cooly: …Has all the hotties, I know. But I wasn't staring at you. I was staring at HIM. *points*

Me: *turns around* Oh! Hiya, Tousen!

Tousen: I sense two souls that fight for justice…

Cooly: Huh?

Me: Justice? Oh, do you mean we fight so that we're not discriminated against as girls?

Tousen: Yes. Although you're very aggressive about it.

Cooly: You can say that again!

Tousen: But aggressiveness is not the right way to fight for justice.

Me: Well, passiveness isn't gonna get us anywhere.

Tousen: I suggest…dishwashers.

Cooly: Dishwashers?

Tousen: Yes. Dishwashers are justice.

Me: Not following…

Cooly: Tousen?

Tousen: Yes?

Cooly: Why is your hair still dyed from the truth or dare thing? (Read Cool Guy 33's story to know what I'm talking about!)

Me: It is? *looks* OMG it IS…

Tousen: It seems that Gin used permanent dye.

Me: Well, that sucks.

Tousen: I agree, permanent dye is not justice.

Cooly:…

Me:…

Cooly: We gotta go now…

Me: Bye!

*We shunpo off as quickly as we can*

Tousen: Huh?

DOWN THE CORRIDOR…

Cooly: Yami?

Me: Yes, Cooly? 

Cooly: Why haven't you called Aizen yet? I thought you'd jump at the chance.

Me: I can't…Nel ate my phone.

**Well? Good? Bad? Review and NO FLAMES!**


	5. Starrk and Squirrels

**Hello! I just got back from a lovely trip with cool guy 33, where we went to Sereitei and I got to meet Aizen and Gin and fight with Kenpachi Zaraki and Toushiro Hitsugaya (I kicked their butts)! But really, Shiro-chan should learn to not call people gay just because their names are weird…anyway; this chap is where me and Cooly get to meet with Starrk.**

Cooly: Hey, Yami?

Me: Yeah?

Cooly: When are you going to reveal your bankai to the readers?

Me: In this chapter!

Cooly: Really? Awesome! What's your Bankai's name?

Me: it's Aka-Kaze no Yami! (Shadow of Red Wind)

Cooly: I really like your Bankai…it's so awesome!

Me: Thanks!

Cooly: And it'd be useful for a lot of other things too!

Me: Yeah, but my Bankai has a drawback.

Cooly: It does?

Me: Yes. I can only use it for a limited amount of time since it drains so much power. Currently the limit is 7 minutes, 42 seconds and 91 milliseconds.

Cooly: That sucks…

Starrk: What have we here?

Me: Hey, it's Starrk! Hi, Starrk!

Cooly: How ya doin'?

Starrk: I'm tired.

Me: As usual.

Starrk: *turns to look at me* I'm getting an odd sense of kinship from you…

Me: It's because of what my Bankai is.

Starrk: What's your Bankai?

Me: I'll show you! *draws zanpakuto* Bankai!

*The dust clears to show me…as a wolf! I have black fur and red paws with a black spiked collar around my neck*

Starrk: Intriguing…

Me: This is what my Zanpakuto's spirit looks like. In my Bankai, I gain my Zanpakuto's form and its power. However, it requires a massive amount of energy. In fact…Oh! A bone! *Pounces on the bone and begins to gnaw on it*

Cooly: Awwww, you're so cute! (scratches my ear)

Me: *wags tail* Yeah, that feels good!

Starrk: It seems you gain wolf-like instincts as well.

Me: yeah, I – SQUIRREL! *runs after the squirrel*

Cooly: How'd a squirrel get in here?

Starrk: I believe it is one of Syazel's experiments.

Me: Syazel? That weakling?

Starrk: Weakling? Are you the one that beat him?

Cooly: Yeah, apparently she did. And Ulqiorra…and Grimmjow…

Starrk: She must be strong.

Cooly: *sweatdrops* if only you knew…

Me: *Tranforms back* Oops! Time's up!

Cooly: We gotta go. We haven't gotten to Gin yet!

Me: Or Aizen!

Starrk: Well then, farewell.

Me and Cooly: Bye!

*we shunpo off*

Meanwhile, in the main hall…

Aizen: It seems that Yami and Cooly are here in Los Noches…

Gin: Yayz! I wanna see those two again!

Aizen: *smiles* Yami was indeed strong…

Gin: Cooly tells me she knows Bankai!

Aizen: Is that so? Interesting.

*Phone rings*

Aizen: Hello?

Me: Hiya, Aizen! Cooly let me borrow her phone so I can call you 'cuz Nel ate mine!

Aizen: How did you get my number? 

Me: Gin told Cooly and Cooly told me.

Aizen: Oh.

Me: Right now we're lost. Can you get Gin to come over to us and help us out?

Aizen: Certainly.

Me: Thanks Aizen! Bye!

Aizen: She certainly is energetic…

Gin: And tall! She's as tall as me!

Aizen: It seems that her Uncle is 6' 7''.

Gin: Wow! It must run in her family!

Aizen: Yes…Gin?

Gin: Hmmm? 

Aizen: You need to go help Yami and Cooly. They're lost.

Gin: M'kay! Bye!

**Thanks for reading! Next time we get to meet Gin!**

**Cooly: YES!**


	6. Gin and Butterflies

**Me: Cooly! Guess what?**

**Cooly: What?**

**Me: We get to meet Gin this chapter!**

**Cooly: OMG YES! *Tackle-hugs me* Thank you!**

**Me: No sweat! Oh yeah, I remembered that I've been forgetting the disclaimer. *Clears throat* I do not on Bleach, although I hired Urahara to change that fact through various methods.**

**Cooly: You mean like falsifying documents and stealing files from Shonen Jump?**

**Me: I honestly don't know, all I know is that he charged me too much.**

Somewhere in Los Noches…

Cooly: so Yami, what element is your Zanpakuto?

Me: Wind, hence the name.

Cooly: Oh, I see. You already know that Ryuujin Jakka is a fire type Zanpakuto, right?

Me: Yeah…How'd you get old man Yama to give you his Zanpakuto anyway?

Cooly:…He has a weakness for homemade chocolate chip cookies with peanut butter cups.

Me: Oh, so you bribed him.

Cooly: More or less.

Gin: HELLOOOOOOO!

Cooly: GIN!

Gin: COOLY!

Me: ME! 

*Gin and Cooly turn to stare at me. I grin and shrug*

Me: So Gin, how have you been? OMG that rhymed!

Gin: I'm good! Aizen got me a big box of candy bars lately!

Cooly: I thought you were a little more hyper than usual…

Me: I don't mind! That makes him more fun! *To Gin* Race ya to the end of the corridor!

Gin: You're on!

Cooly: I think Yami's been eating sugar lately too…

Me: Well…there were these cookies that my mom made…and my mom makes really good cookies so I had a few…dozen. OMG A BUTTERFLY!

Gin: WHERE?

Me: THERE! *points*

Gin: IMMA GONNA CATCH IT!

Me: IMMA GONNA CATCH IT FIRST!

Gin: *tries to catch the butterfly with his bare hands*

Me: Ha! You won't catch it that way! *Takes out Zanpakuto* Shred, Aka-Kaze!

*A violent gust of wind blows in from nowhere and tosses the butterfly into my hands*

Gin: Oooh, it's a pretty green one!

Cooly: You should let it go now.

Me: M'kay! *Let's the butterfly go*

Gin: Oh, yeah! Aizen wanted me to take you to him!

Cooly: Lead the way!

Me: Yeah! I can't wait to see Aizen!

*we shunpo off*

Meanwhile, in the Main Hall…

Aizen: Hello, Ichigo. Is there something you want?

Ichigo: Eh, nothin' much. Souls Society just wanted me to tell you that they're sending you the bill for Toushiro's hospital fees.

Aizen: I really need to speak to those three about that when they get here…

Ichigo: Three? I thought it was just Gin and that other girl, Cooly.

Aizen: Oh no. Cooly's friend Yami got involved as well. She truly is strong…

Ichigo: *excited about the prospect of a strong opponent* How strong?

Aizen: Strong enough to defeat Kenpachi within 7 minutes.

Ichigo: I wanna fight her!

Aizen: Gin's bringing her. You'll get to do it then.

Ichigo: Yayz!

**Me: Yayz! Next chapter is Aizen!**

**Cooly: But…doesn't that mean that next chapter will be the end of the story?**

**Me: Yeah, but I might do a sequel or something!**

**Cooly: M'kay!**

**You know the drill. Read, review and NO FLAMES!**


	7. Aizen and Blackmail

**Me: This is both a sad and happy occasion. It's the final chapter! The conclusion! The grand finale!**

**Cooly: But there might be a sequel!**

**Me: Yeah, there might be. Urahara!**

**Urahara: Yes?**

**Me: Any luck so far?**

**Urahara: Sorry, but no. I can't find the rights to Bleach anywhere! I even looked on eBay…**

**Me: DANG! Well, it seems I still don't own Bleach…yet. I will one day!**

The Main Hall in Los Noches…

Me: FINALLY! We're here!

Cooly: Yayz!

Gin: Hey! Ichigo's here!

Me: Hiya Ichi!

Ichigo: MY NAME IS ICHIGO! NOT ICHI!

Me: Meh, whatever.

Aizen: Welcome.

Me: AIZEN! *Tackle-hugs Aizen*

Cooly: You weren't kidding when you said you had a crush on him…

Gin: She does? *Takes out cell phone and begins taking a video*

Ichigo: Gin, dare I ask what you're doing?

Gin: I can use this for blackmail!

Cooly: Ooooh, good idea! *Takes out her own cell phone*

Ichigo: Okay….

Me: Hey, Aizen! You wanna see my Bankai?

Aizen: Certainly. In fact, Ichigo has been waiting to fight you. You can demonstrate it in battle.

Ichigo: THIS is Yami Otaku? She can't be older the 13!

Me: *vein throbs in forehead* I'm 15, Einstein.

Ichigo: NO WAY! You gotta be 13!

Me: THAT'S IT! *Takes out Zanpakuto* SHRED, AKA-KAZE!

Ichigo: Oh, this is not good. *Takes out Zangetsu*

Me: HIT ME WITH YOUR WORST!

Ichigo: MY PLEASURE!

Gin: May I suggest we put up a barrier?

Aizen: That might be wise…

Cooly: YEAH! BEAT HIM TO A PULP, YAMI!

Ichigo: BANKAI!

Me: BANKAI!

*Explosion* 

Gin: Whoa…

Aizen: *impressed* so THAT'S her Bankai.

Cooly: Cool, ain't it?

Gin: Now I know to never piss her off…

*seven minute later*

Ichigo: Give…*pant*…up…*gasp*…Yami…

Me: Never! I - *transforms back* CRAP!

Aizen: Huh? She changed back.

Cooly: Her Bankai has a time limit.

Gin: Awwwww man! I wanted to play fetch with her when this was over.

Ichigo: *Wheeze* Hah! Now I'll… *passes out from blood loss*

Me: YES! I WIN!

Aizen: Fascinating.

Cooly: Yeah! Go Yami!

Gin: She beat Ichi-berry!

Ichigo: *snaps awake* WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?

Me: Calm down, Ichigo…

Ichigo: Shut up! I can't stand that nickname!

Cooly: Well, it's not like he said you were gay…

Toushiro: *appears randomly* Like you and Yami.

Cooly: YOU AGAIN? PREPARE TO DIE, KING OF THE ANTS!

Me: YOU'RE SO SMALL YOU MAKE AN ATOM SEEM BIG, CHIBI-CHAN!

Cooly: YOUR MOM MUST HAVE BEEN A MIDGET AND YOUR DAD MUST HAVE BEEN A DWARF!

Toushiro: THAT DOES IT! I'M KILLING YOU ALL! *draws Hyourinmaru* DIE!

Me: BRING IT YOU LITTLE TWERP!

Aizen: I suggest we move. Far. As in now.

Ichigo: I find myself agreeing for once…

Gin: I got a better idea!

*Gin uses a Kido spell and Toushiro disappears*

Gin: There! No more hospital bills!

Aizen: Thank you, Gin.

Ichigo: *sweatdrops* Poor Toushiro…

Cooly: Where'd you transport him?

Gin: *snickers* The Sahara desert.

Ichigo: I repeat…Poor Toushiro…

Me: Well, we gotta get going! If I'm not home soon Mom will get worried!

Cooly: Awww…I wanted to play with Gin some more!

Gin: I can come with you!

Cooly: Yes!

Me: You can pick him up whenever you want, Aizen!

Aizen: I'll do just that.

Me: Oh and…um…

Aizen: Hmm?

*I kiss Aizen on the cheek, blushing furiously. Before he can react I open a Garganta and haul Gin and Cooly through it*

Me: *Still blushing* bye!

Aizen: …interesting…

Ichigo: *has taken a picture with his phone of me kissing Aizen*

Aizen: DELETE THAT NOW!

Ichigo: Awww, embarrassed?

Aizen: Hardly! I just know that you're going to use that for blackmail!

Ichigo: I also have a video of you singing "Funny Days" with Yachiru.

Aizen: *pales* YOU SAW THAT?

Ichigo: *snickers* watashitachi no ohanashi oshiete age yokka? (**Note: That's the first line of the song "Funny Days" sung by Yachiru's voice actor. Look it up on Youtube)**

Aizen: …Ulqiorra, Kill him.

Ulqiorra: *appears* Yes, Aizen-sama.

Ichigo: Oh crap!

*Ichigo runs off, Ulqiorra chasing him*

Aizen: *holding Ichigo's phone and looking at the pic of me kissing him* Hmm… *pockets phone* I'm saving this.

**That, my friends, is the end of Conversing in Los Noches. BUT I will write a sequel featuring Gin over at my house with Cooly! Look forward to it!**


End file.
